Monday, 14 June 2010

When Your World Falls Apart

So many people that I know seem to be suffering with traumas of one kind or another at the moment. Someone suggested to me that there were astrological signs pointing to difficult times ahead... I don't know.

I last blogged a month ago. That same evening my world, as I knew it fell apart. Over the following days it crumbled further and I am left with devastation. The details of what has happened doesn't matter, the sentiments are universal : hurt, disbelief, betrayal, anger, guilt, wanting to turn back time and do things differently. These feelings apply to our troubles regardless of the source. My friend at the weekend who has suddenly had to face the death of her beloved cat said to me " I know my situation isn't as bad as yours.." at which point I stopped her and disagreed; it's not the details of someone's trauma that are as important as how it impacts on our lives. It's the aftermath and how do we go on from here? How do people cope? I'm finding it difficult to perform the simplest of tasks because my brain seems to be disengaged.

Someone said " Why has this happened to us?". I replied, "Why shouldn't it?". Why me? Why not me? I have the resources within me to deal with this situation, I'm determined. Given the choice would I wish this on anyone else- absolutely not.

So how do I go on? The best I can. Which is not very good at the moment. I haven't been able to retreat to my creative side of the brain, fearful that somehow my present feelings might manifest themselves in a toxic way in my work. I mentioned this to my good friend last week, and she very insightfully said, "But what if your work speaks to someone else who's feeling how you are right now?" I think that's a good way to look at it. If  I try and heal a part of me through creativity, hopefully I will be spreading healing through my work rather than negativity.

For now, I'm getting my hugs when I can


Dready Derry said...

e-hugs xoxox

email me if you want to talk, im not the best, but im going through bad stuff too. maybe we can moan about the world together :)

averilpam said...

and nothing is better than doggy hugs!
You sound strong and determined and I agree, use your creativity to help you to heal. You don't have to put everything up for sale if you feel you have invested too much negative energy into it but just doing it may help you to heal, x

Sue, Lynwoodcrafts said...

My craft is what kept me going through some difficult times (particularly 2 years ago) and no doubt I will need it to do so again in the future. Rather than comfort eat - I comfort craft. Not things to sell - but comfortable, beautiful, sometimes challenging designs FOR ME, BY ME.

Rose and Raven said...

I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time at the moment. Your friend sounds very wise - maybe being creative will help you work through this and come out the other side feeling stronger. Get lots of hugs from that adorable little pup - I find animals can be surprisingly comforting in times of stress - I think they know more than we think they do.

Rachel x

Anonymous said...

I read your blog. It inspires and is real. I read so many that are like fantasy land and tell of perfect lives. They don't exist. I am very sorry for your trouble. Be kind to yourself and grieve without guilt. Cry if you have to because it is a blessed release. Creativity is informed by despair as well as joy. I wish you the very best.

Anonymous said...

If necessary, I have a greyhound who gives exceptionally good cuddles and licks....while leaning on you of course, because it's all very hard work. x x

tammykingdon said...

Thankyou all so much for your supportive comments- it means so much. The warmth and generosity of spirit that abounds in blogland is helping to restore my currently shaky faith in the human race

Cathy said...

So sorry to hear about your dreadful problems. It doesn't matter how bad or not so bad they are - it is how they affect you that is important. You sound as if you are essentially a strong person and strong people get knocked down and spring back up again eventually. I am glad you have a sensible friend to talk to. They are worth their weight in gold.

Felted House said...

I was just reading Sue's comment and wishing that I comfort-crafted instead of comfort-ate, my house would be overflowing with felt if that were the case, instead of me slightly overflowing my jeans.
I guess whatever life brings you are absolutely right, it's how we go on through it that counts - I used to hear the phrase 'it's character-building' a lot as a teenager, which seemed to mean 'make the best of this dreadful situation', but in one sense I suppose to carry on the best we can with dignity and integrity as much as we can, is the only way. And sometimes that means just doing an hour at a time.
That puppy is gorgeous, I have another hug for you next time we meet up too xxxx

Moonheart said...

I just read your post.
I am so sorry for whatever happened.
My world fell apart several months back, and yes it is all those feelings of disbelief,hurt,anger etc.I too am hoping my art will help me heal.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone either.
I hope you are starting to feel better now.