So many people that I know seem to be suffering with traumas of one kind or another at the moment. Someone suggested to me that there were astrological signs pointing to difficult times ahead... I don't know.
I last blogged a month ago. That same evening my world, as I knew it fell apart. Over the following days it crumbled further and I am left with devastation. The details of what has happened doesn't matter, the sentiments are universal : hurt, disbelief, betrayal, anger, guilt, wanting to turn back time and do things differently. These feelings apply to our troubles regardless of the source. My friend at the weekend who has suddenly had to face the death of her beloved cat said to me " I know my situation isn't as bad as yours.." at which point I stopped her and disagreed; it's not the details of someone's trauma that are as important as how it impacts on our lives. It's the aftermath and how do we go on from here? How do people cope? I'm finding it difficult to perform the simplest of tasks because my brain seems to be disengaged.
Someone said " Why has this happened to us?". I replied, "Why shouldn't it?". Why me? Why not me? I have the resources within me to deal with this situation, I'm determined. Given the choice would I wish this on anyone else- absolutely not.
So how do I go on? The best I can. Which is not very good at the moment. I haven't been able to retreat to my creative side of the brain, fearful that somehow my present feelings might manifest themselves in a toxic way in my work. I mentioned this to my good friend last week, and she very insightfully said, "But what if your work speaks to someone else who's feeling how you are right now?" I think that's a good way to look at it. If I try and heal a part of me through creativity, hopefully I will be spreading healing through my work rather than negativity.
For now, I'm getting my hugs when I can
WOYWW - on Thursday!!
3 days ago